Ask Yourself
by frances janvier
Summary: But he doesn't understand. This is the way I think will lead me to where I want to be tomorrow. I just know it. [Character Study of an OC]
**Note: The OCs besides Dustcloud belong to the members of the BlueClan forum. Not all events are accurate. This is not controlling the future of the roleplay, merely just one way I think it could play out.**

 **Written for the A Perfect Circle April Writing Contest. (: Prompt:** "Ask yourself if what you're doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow."

 **...Or, it was going to be, but I missed the deadline unfortunately :( Publishing it anyway since I couldn't just abandon it cx**

* * *

 **i.** He was a kit, yes. They too were kits, yes. But there was still that fundamental difference between them. So, naturally, when Ravenkit came up to him and asked Dustkit to play moss-ball with the other kits, he replied with a no.

Ravenkit pouted at Dustkit. "Come oooonnnn, pleaseeee?" he said, begging the other tom to come over.

"I think you heard me say no."

"We just need one more cat to be able to do teams! And Heronkit is still distracted by worrying for Morningkit, who Heatherspeck still won't let out of the den for now, so that side can use extra support anyway. And I think Sunkit will just start the game without the rest of us and make up his own rules and that isn't fun and-" Ravenkit had paused for a second to suck in a breath, but Dustkit interrupted him before he could continue speaking again.

"I said _no_ , Ravenkit! Leave me alone, for StarClan's sake!" Dustkit hissed, finally snapping. _Not like StarClan is even listening..._ _I'm sure that if they are or have been in the past, they would have make Ravenkit and the others much more pleasant cats._

Another pout and a frown came onto his face again. Ravenkit hesitated for a moment, and then decided to go ahead and ask him, "Why don't you want to play, though...?"

 _... Why_ do _I not want to play moss-ball...?_ "I guess I just don't feel like playing moss-ball right now," Dustkit said, lying through his teeth until he could analyze the situation and remember precisely why he had said no.

"That's not a valid answer, Dustkit."

"... I don't have time for petty and useless games that won't ever help us in life." _There. That's a believable excuse._

"It will help your endurance." _Mouse dung._ His reason was falling into pieces at logic. But he couldn't ever give up in a debate, though, could he? Dustkit would keep on proving the point to Ravenkit until he died, definitely.

"... There are better ways to do so."

"And your aim, jumping skills, and hunting skills."

"In a simple _game_? Who would want to toss themself around carelessly without a thought of what it would do to their dignity?"

"We're kits, Dustkit," Ravenkit said, narrowing his eyes.

"And I happen to be-"

"Break it up, you two!" Rowankit said as she bounced in between the two of them. "You're such a mouse-brained idiot, Dustkit," she said, glancing over at him. "You too, Ravenkit, for fighting with him. Who cares, anyway? It may be a simple game, but it's _fun._ Now, be quiet, and play the game or don't play the game," she finished, hissing.

Ravenkit merely stared at her at awe. It was plain to see that he had a thing for her. But Dustkit could care less, so he decided upon a sneer, and headed back inside the nursery.

* * *

 **ii.** "I, Lightningstar of NettleClan, call upon my ancestors to make these two kits into apprentices. Rowankit, you will be known as Rowanpaw, and your mentor shall be Sandspeck. Dustkit, you shall be known as Dustpaw, and your mentor shall be Cloudfrost. May StarClan light your paths!"

 _Finally!_

* * *

 **iii.** "Dustpaw! Pay attention! Stop zoning out and listen to me for once, _please_!"

 _...Ack._ Dustpaw fluttered back into consciousness again. "Sorry Cloudfrost, what did you say again?"

Cloudfrost frowned at his apprentice. "I _said,_ recite the warrior code by memory to me. This is an assessment, come on," he said, staring Dustpaw in the eyes.

"Um..." Dustpaw fumbled and played for time. _These rules are so tedious. Why do we even need them in the first place? They don't make a lot of sense._ "I think it started with something like, respect your elders...?"

His mentor sighed and looked at Dustpaw like he was a entirely lost cause. "Come on, Dustpaw. You may be excelling in hunting and fighting, I'll say that, but it's quite unlikely that you'll ever become a warrior at this rate if you _still_ can't remember our warrior code. Is it really that hard to just practice and memorize it?"

* * *

 **iv.** "Dustpaw, can you come into my den for a quick moment, please?"

Lightningstar's voice popped Dustpaw out of his daydreams of grandeur, and Dustpaw rapidly nodded. "Of course, Lightningstar," he said, making his way over to the leader's den and tentatively stepping inside. For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to live there in that very den, as leader, with all of that power. Yet again, Lightningstar snapped him out of his thoughts.

The leader of NettleClan thought for a moment on how to start the conversation. "Dustpaw..." he began to say. "I'm concerned for you. No, no, I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just that... You're excelling in everything _except_ for the warrior code, which is normally something simple to memorize. You're dark, you're moody, you're grumpy. Dewleaf, Heatherspeck, and I have been discussing, and we don't foresee a... very good future for you, Dustpaw, to say the least. Heatherspeck has received very vague omens from StarClan, and he's still not sure of what they mean, but... You get what I'm saying, right?"

Actually, he kind of didn't. Him? Have a dark future just because he couldn't manage to memorize the warrior code? The three of them were most likely overthinking and worrying too much. But Dustpaw nodded anyway so that Lightningstar would be satisfied and move on.

"Just... Dustpaw, always ask yourself if what you're doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. That might be the only thing keeping everything from spiraling downhill. Good luck, Dustpaw. We're here for you."

* * *

 **v.** "I, Lightningstar of NettleClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on Dustpaw. He has worked hard and has completed all the necessary requirements for becoming a warrior, finally. Dustpaw, from this day forward, you shall be known as Dustcloud! May StarClan light your path!"

For a split second, a small part of Dustcloud felt an urge to start grinning and beaming like an idiot. But he instantly pushed that part of him away, and instead put on a cool, neutral expression as he walked up to touch noses with his leader.

 _Finally._

* * *

 **vi.** "Come on, Badgerpaw, I need to give you a tour of the territory," Dustcloud said in a tone akin to hissing to his new apprentice. "If you don't stop dilly-dallying and hurry up now it will be dark before we finish."

Badgerpaw grinned and bounced up next to Dustcloud. "Okay, sure thing!" he said, overly excited for being an apprentice. It was clearly obvious that he was unaware of how Dustcloud worked.

Dustcloud humphed, and without another word, set off with a fast and constant stride out into the forested territory.

"H-hey! Can you please slow down a bit?" pleaded Badgerpaw, huffing from a little bit behind Dustcloud. "I-" Heave. "Can't really-" Heave. "Go throughout the whole territory at this pace," he finished, having to stop momentarily from exhaustion.

Dustcloud didn't say anything at first, but then laughed a tiny bit. "Honestly, I was expecting a youthful apprentice like you to be more fit. We'll have to work on that soon. And by the way? No, we are most definitely not slowing down the tour." He then continued his fast pace through the forest, and silenced any more protesting mews from his apprentice as they toured through the key landmarks of the territory.

When the duo got to the Tall Tree, Dustcloud stopped so suddenly that Badgerpaw rammed into his backside by accident. He stifled the mewl that was about to come by starting straight away to bark an order. "You're going to practice climbing the Tall Tree. If I catch you before you reach the top, you lose, I win, and we start over. Once you win, you get to go back to camp for the day. Now, begin."

Badgerpaw was frozen for a split second, but then remembered what was going on and attempted to scramble up the Tree. But after the five seconds head start, Dustcloud easily flew up the tree and pat his apprentice on the back roughly.

"If you can't climb a tree faster than me, you'll never outrun an AppleClan warrior in battle," he said with an annoyed humph of disapproval.

"I-I tried," Badgerpaw stuttered. "I-I'm not used to climbing trees."

Dustcloud scowled again. "If AppleClan attacked right now, and an enemy warrior chased you, you would _have_ to climb the tree in the spur of the moment. Then you would kill him from the dominant position, instead of on the ground when your skimpy size would be a disadvantage."

"I thought it was against the warrior code to kill," Badgerpaw pointed out confusedly.

Dustcloud growled and sunk his claws into the ground. Just to be entirely sure, he scanned the area for other cats. There were none. "The warrior code is, to be quite frank, stupid _._ We're never gonna take over AppleClan if we can't kill anyone! We can't solve conflicts! We have overpopulation, and that pushes the strong cats to the side in place of weak cats! We get weak leaders! And more and more and _more_! Understand?"

Badgerpaw hesitated for a second, but then nodded. "... Okay. Are we going to practice fighting?"

"Not until you master the Tree," Dustcloud said, smirking slightly.

Again and again, Badgerpaw climbed up the Tree, only to be caught by Dustcloud's just barely sheathed claws yet again. "I almost had it that time," Badgerpaw said with a slight pout.

"Almost is not enough. Badgerpaw, you often dig your claws into the bark to hoist yourself up when you're climbing the Tree. However, it wastes agility and precious seconds in a battle. Instead, find the bumpy parts of the tree, and use those to climb. Got it?"

Badgerpaw nodded yet again. "Thanks Dustcloud!" This time, he heeded his mentor's advice, and sprang up the tree using the bumpy parts jutting out from the tree instead of digging in his claws like usual. And this time, he reached the top.

He grinned triumphantly down at his mentor below him. "I made it, Dustcloud, I made it!" he cried out, but then felt his paws slipping ever so slightly.

Dustcloud nodded. "Congrats," he said, slipping down the tree to leave Badgerpaw to fend for himself for the moment.

"Wait, come back!" Badgerpaw exclaimed. His paws had slipped entirely and he was now hanging from a nearby branch, with his claws desperately digging into the bark. "Help me, Dustcloud!"

The branch snapped, and Badgerpaw began to free-fall downwards, the branches and twigs ripping through his pelt. Luckily, a lower and bigger branch caught his fall, and the apprentice was stuck there.

Dustcloud sighed, and climbed back up the Tree reluctantly. He grabbed Badgerpaw by the scruff, and dragged him back down to the ground. "Never ever falter," he said pushing any trace of emotion out of his voice. "Now, let's go back to camp. It was an accident from training, and we'll get Heatherspeck to clean it up for you. We train again tomorrow," Dustcloud told him, turning around back towards camp. "Dismissed."

* * *

 **vii.** "Dustcloud, it's raining really hard outside and none of the other apprentice are going out of camp with their mentors. Do we _haaaave_ to go train _now_?" Badgerpaw said, looking at his mentor pleadingly.

The tom in question laughed a tiny bit, quite briefly. "I think you already know the answer to that question, Badgerpaw. Do you really think _I_ would ever give up a chance to train you? No storm will stop us. Now, follow me."

Whimpering slightly from the cold rain continuously splashing onto his pelt as he walked, Badgerpaw followed Dustcloud's trail, always one pawstep behind. At least he was gradually getting better at keeping up with his mentor's stride length and pace.

Dustcloud stopped padding forward when they arrived a somewhat large, albeit damp, clearing. "We are going to practice sneak attacks today. In the rain, you, the predator, is concealed and hidden by the thick-falling precipitation, by sight and by hearing. If one can pull it off precisely, a rainstorm makes for the perfect opportunity to sneak up on your enemy and, ah, give them a _surprise._ "

According to Dustcloud's instructions, Badgerpaw scuttled back behind a curtain of rain. "Your breathing is too heavy. I now know where you are and you no longer have the element of surprise on your side. Try again."

They repeated this process several times over. The next time, Badgerpaw decided to stall for time, and headed backwards, trying to confuse Dustcloud. All of a sudden, there was a warm whisper in his ear from a soft voice that could barely be heard.

"Badgerpaw? What are you doing out here in the rain?" Dustcloud's ears pricked even more, and he could just _barely_ pick out the words of the new cat. Slowly, he edged towards where Badgerpaw and the other cat were. He sniffed the air and finally was able to deduce who it was. _Sparrowpaw._

"Sp-Sparrowpaw? You better get out of here, Dustcloud's going to be angry-"

"And yes, I am angry. Sparrowpaw, don't you dare interrupt our training sessions. Don't you have your own mentor? Anyway, you were distracting Badgerpaw. Get away," Dustcloud spat as he seemed to appear out of thin air in front of the apprentice.

Sparrowpaw humphed and started to respond sassily. "Well, I think this is unnecessarily cruel torture for Badgerpaw, this training session out in the storm. They're saying it's going to turn into a _thunderstorm_ later, and it would be unsafe and unreasonable to keep him out here 'training'!"

"Sparrowpaw, _go back to camp now_! Don't you _dare_ tell me how to run my life! I am much older and senior to you, and I have authority over you! Don't you think your little friends are missing you back at camp, eh?!" Dustcloud hissed quite loudly and full of anger, and it was all he could do to restrain himself from attacking her viciously right on the spot. She had passed his line, and made him tick.

For a moment, it seemed like Sparrowpaw was going to be annoyingly stubborn and stay right where she was, but Badgerpaw gave her a begging glance, and she bounded back to the camp, only looking back just once.

"Again, Badgerpaw."

* * *

 **vii.** _It has to be done._ That's what Dustcloud kept telling himself over and over again as he stalked towards where Scarletpaw was crouched in the forest clearing, coincidentally the one she had intruded on several weeks ago, late at night with the stars blocked by some clouds. _It has to be done. She's just an obstacle; a prickly thorn bush blocking my path._

He unsheathed his claws, and made the inital slash. There was barely time for her to start screaming before Dustcloud tore out her insides again and again, ending it. He buried her body underneath the ground while looking in a different direction to distract himself from the gore of what he had just done, and then he set off on his way towards a stream or even just a puddle to wash the blood out of his claws.

For some reason, he randomly remembered when Lightningstar had pulled him aside and into his den to give him some advice. _What was it he had said? I think it was something like "ask yourself if what you're doing today will lead you towards where you want to be tomorrow" or some other fox dung mantra like that._

 _Pffft. Of course everything I'm doing will lead me towards where I want to be tomorrow. I want to be powerful, I want to hold influence over the clan, I want to have some drama; some entertainment. And Sparrowpaw's murdering? It had to be done, she could have ruined me._

 _It had to be done..._

 _It had to be done._

* * *

 **viii.** Just like he had several times before, Dustcloud ducked right inside the AppleClan border, staying close to the border making sure he wouldn't be caught by any AppleClan (or NettleClan) patrols passing by.

He surveyed the prey pickings nearby with his nose. _A shrew._ Swiftly, he caught it and made the killing cut on its throat. He then laid it down on the ground somewhat far away but still rather close to the border. For good measure, he sprayed his NettleClan scent on it too.

And then back out again, just like he had several times before.

* * *

 **ix.** New cats had come into camp a moon after Sparrowpaw was mourned. And of course, Lightningstar being the softie he was, let them stay. Just about every cat in the clan was wondering who they were, why they had come, and where they were all _from._ They all introduced themselves with clan warrior names, but they didn't at all smell like AppleClanners.

So, naturally, Dustcloud eavesdropped in on the conversation Lightningstar and the cats were having in the leader's den. His ears pricked, and he waited, trying to glean crucial information from them.

Turns out they were from a clan called "PebbleClan." According to the presumed leader of the group of cats, even though they didn't have a -star suffix, there had been an extreme thunderstorm a little while, sparking a fire that burned down their entire camp. Not many cats survived, and even the ones who survived were spread out and seperated from each other. These particular cats had been wandering around the forest a long way, hoping to find some more of their lost clanmates, when a NettleClan border patrol found them and brought them back to camp. _Interesting, interesting... I wonder if they can help me out, perhaps?_

* * *

 **x.** "NettleClan! AppleClan is attacking the camp! Everybody get the queens and elders to safety first!" Dewleaf yowled loudly as he streaked into camp with a trail of AppleClanners meowing furiously.

There were confused and panicked murmurs around the camp, especially between the visitors. All but Dustcloud had no idea the reason for invading their very camp. Of course, there were always a few regular hostilities between the clans, but they were seemingly casual. Dustcloud had to stop himself from whooping out loud. _The stolen prey payed off!_ And now he finally had a chance to get back into action.

He lunged forward, and leaped on top of the next random AppleClanner he saw. Sinking in his claws into the cat's pelt, he whispered in their ear. "Sorry. But then again, not sorry at _all_."

* * *

 **xi.** _StarClan_! That bastardly fox-heart of an apprentice, Badgerpaw, must have fessed up and turned Dustcloud in. No one else knew about his direct defiance of the warrior code, and his plans to take over one day. And now things would never work out. He'd never reach the "tomorrow" he had envisioned for himself.

Lightningstar kept pacing his den, and sighing a lot. Dustcloud resisted hanging his head in shame, and instead tried staring into his leader's eyes.

"... Dustcloud. Where do I begin...? We once thought you had potential. We tried to warn you against taking the wrong path, but you didn't listen to us in the end. You treated your own apprentice cruelly. You've openly admitted to despising the warrior code and not wanting to follow it. You killed without proper reason in battle. And you purposefully created conflict and dispute between AppleClan and us by hunting their prey on their territory.

"... Dustcloud, we're sorry, but we've decided to exile you."

* * *

 **xii.** He stalked just outside and occasionally the clan territories. Learning the newest gossip. Whispering treacheries in wavering ones' ears. Waiting for the day to come. The day that would culminate the feuds of the clans in one grand finale.

* * *

 **xiii.** Chaos all around. There was another clan besides PebbleClan: VultureClan. A new colleague of Dustcloud's had set it up so that VultutreClan would attack NettleClan and AppleClan who would be unable to team up at the moment due to their _own_ feud that still had refused to die down. And the result was chaos.

Cats everywhere were clawing one another, most likely even killing each other without realizing, there being so many of them. It was chaos, and Dustcloud _loved_ it.

At random, he himself picked a cat and attacked, getting into the action himself.

And then he saw Ravenfall. _Ravenfall_. They honestly had barely talked since they were kits. But Dustcloud still remembered. Oh, did he remember. And Ravenfall fell from Dustcloud's paws. _Sweet, sweet revenge..._

* * *

 **xiv.** "Stop! Halt! Everybody stop!" came a cry from Lightningstar. For some reason, the remaining cats actually heeded his words and paused their bloodshed. Dustcloud was about to retreat back into the shadows when Lightningstar grabbed him by his scruff. "Dustcloud here is the one all behind this!"

There was a collective gasp from the audience. Dustcloud began to splutter. "Pl-please! I can explain! It's not all my fault-"

"Hush, Dustcloud. We exiled you from the clan. And yet you intrude upon our territory still, killing more cats. You know what the punishment for this is? It's death."

Badgersong padded forward nervously, and Dustcloud's eyes widened. "Badgersong! Please! Spare me-"

But his words were cut off. "Lightningstar, may I be the one to execute him?"


End file.
